I have begun writing part six of six, which is entitled “he wasn’t yours: sublime serpent, come forth.”
As I get closer to finishing Masterful: Severus Snape, a Jar of Cockroaches, and Me, my most gratifying and important work to date, I am filled with exhilaration and a sense of personal triumph.
This book is the culmination of the past fifteen years of my life. In a broader sense, however, it’s been a lifetime in the making.
This book is a Snape-infused memoir. I write about Severus Snape in a way that has never been done before, in a bold and often shocking manner. As one person who’s read the first draft has said, “It left me speechless.” She also said, “There are so many people I want to recommend your book to” and “Gives me so much to think about. Again, wow.”
In this book, I also write about living with PTSD, about the legacy of domestic violence, which is what I witnessed during my entire childhood and adolescence, about leaving Judeo-Christianity and Orthodoxy in particular, about revering oneself, about emancipation and personal power, about saying “no” to bullshit, about putting one’s existence and what one loves first and foremost. I write about having an infernal worldview, about the symbolic light-bearer and his (our) “live deliciously” stance.
I am no-holds-barred in this book. And I’m just getting started. There will be another Snape-themed book after this one.
My Patreon continues to grow, to my immense joy. I’ve spent the past year refining it, and now it’s precisely what I want it to be. Once Masterful is published, I’ll be spending a great deal of time writing essays for it: infernal thoughts for infernal people. A few of these will be public, but the majority will be Members Only.
One of the excellent people who recently became a member is my longtime friend and extremely talented artist Ben Wu, who just started his own Patreon. I highly recommend you join it, and mine as well.
Ben Wu Loves You: is creating Letters, zines, books, and a little bit of chaos
Logospilgrim: is creating infernal books, essays, and art for discerning individualists
Ben really gets what Patreon is all about. As he wrote to me, “Having experienced the Patreon venue through your page opened my eyes. It is more intimate and helps me be in the moment. Unlike the endless memes and static of facebook and instagram. Both of which, too, have rules that make it hard to be seen without having to pay them for a sponseres spot.”
I’m still unable to comment and like IG posts from my desktop, and my disgust with that platform is absolute. Unlike what they claim, it isn’t designed to be “social media.” In actuality, it’s an inherently passive exposure to advertisement: if you participate “too much” or “too quickly,” you’re not doing what they want you to, namely, providing the free content that enables them to determine the advertisement you’re supposed to stare at and respond to, you’re troublesome, expendable; content and activity that doesn’t fall within “good consumer” parameters is undesirable.
Furthermore, they have no respect for their users whatsoever. If you “break” one of their so-called rules, if you don’t dance according to their tune (whatever it even is), they don’t contact you, they won’t tell you how you dared to offend them, and contacting a living person at IG is impossible. When I was researching the matter, I saw countless people desperate to get their accounts back, or desperately trying to figure out why they were blocked from commenting. The advice they got was along the lines of, “whatever you do, don’t upset the mighty IG further. Just be good, stop doing anything at all there for a while, cower a bit, and hope you’ll eventually regain their favor.” If you’re not what advertisers prefer, you might as well not exist.
It’s enough to make you want to throw up. As I wrote on Twitter, I don’t like being treated like shit as a rule, so they can suck my balls.
Just when I thought I couldn’t despise FB more, lo, I despise it more.
It’s very likely that I’ll delete my IG account in the not too distant future.
As a result of all this, I’ve been using Twitter more. As nutty as Twitter can be, it’s less restrictive. It’s possible to make lists there, it’s easy to block problematic people instantly, it’s much easier to have exchanges, there’s less censorship. The most eccentric and creative people tend to be on Twitter.
My main focus will increasingly be my Patreon.
As Ben wrote to me, “You’ve given a lot of yourself through your writing and art and I have, too. I think folks would probably appreciate things more if they pay in some way.” I couldn’t agree more. I’ve shared my work, my writing, my life, for over a decade. It was time for a platform like Patreon for me. I am worth what I do and give. In Ben’s words, “I’m glad your Patreon helped give you the encouragement needed. It means a lot to have visible, tangible evidence of people’s faith in you and what you do.”
Masterful wouldn’t have come into being without all the changes I’ve been through, without the evolution that now gives me the ability to say, “My work, my time, my creativity have value, and I won’t settle for anything less than respect and appreciation.”
The more I grasped this and esteemed myself, the more I defined my Patreon, my goals for it, and what I wanted to share there. When I was going through some of the most difficult times of my life these past couple of years, it was Patreon that kept my eyes on the prize of writing and publishing new books, of creating. Of asserting and affirming myself.
I have emerged from my recent trials a fiercer, stronger, more passionate and determined individual, and my work is reflecting this. If those who read what I write are fiercer and have more reverence for themselves because of my words, all the better. Responsibility to the responsible.
Those who contribute to my time, efforts, and endeavors will fully savor the forbidden fruit of my time, efforts, and endeavors. Those who enjoy what I do, who participate and contribute, I treasure. At another time in my life, I would have thought, “How dare I ask for such things?” but now, I dare. Millions of dollars are poured into the coffers of the bland mega corporations of mass entertainment; a dollar per month basic access fee for my original, risqué, innovative content, for my dark magic, is definitely more than fair. It’s a fine privilege.
For a number of years, I let myself be an All You Can Eat Buffet; now, I’m devoting myself to my VIPs. I still give, but I ask as well. Hail Satan!
There’s no place online like Patreon now, and that’s where the bulk of my online activity is.
As Ben puts it, “When IG cut its shine and I checked out your Patreon… as I said above, it changed me and I felt like I’d found a pleasantly wicked corner of the internet, a place to hang my horns, and I haven’t felt that way in years.” This mirrors my feelings about Patreon exactly.
Do you know what feels good? Not taking shit. Knowing your worth. Knowing who’s good for you. Being your best self and living your best life.