the fruits of my work

This is a recent Patreon post.


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The image above is the essence  of Arcanum.

Once I cross the second goal threshold, I’ll begin work on Sublimis Serpentibus: Severus Snape and the Forbidden Fruit of Personal Power, and start gathering information and figures for Arcanum. Then, once I have the third goal in the bag, preparations for Arcanum will kick into gear. I will, however, see that the third goal results remain stable, or grow, for another six months, because I want people who are earnest in their desire to have Arcanum happen.

What I wrote at the end of the third goal blurb, basically, that’s me saying, “I don’t get out of the house much. This is where I’ll be at my most social, if you’d love to hang out and talk.”

Right now, I’m aiming for the first Arcanum event occurring in 2023, probably some time in October. The venue is quite popular, and one must book events in advance because spots fill up quickly. A lot of wedding receptions take place there. It’s right by the river, surrounded by trees and tall pines.

Arcanum would begin on Friday, late in the afternoon, and would conclude with a lovely mid-day meal on Sunday.

Again, this would be the venue: Radama by Wyndham Ottawa On The Rideau.

I’m very familiar with this hotel, because that’s where I held my small, introvert-friendly event Quietus a few years ago.

As I wrote in a previous post, imagine a gathering of eccentric, creative people, fine dining, all of  us viewing The Witch and other marvelously weird and subversive films,  discussing books and subjects about which Muggles know little or  nothing… How splendid that would be. Again, I’m thinking the Unholy  Masquerade, but with lectures and so on, in an intimate setting. This wouldn’t be a Harry Potter convention, more like a dark revelry for witches and infernal types and writers and artists and occultists and  Medievalists and decadents… I’d give a Snape lecture, obviously.

This event will be for Cunning Society members only. I already have my first event committee member.

Now, the second goal:

Essentially, my Society members who love my work and want more of it will provide me with a writer’s salary. In the olden days, this would have been called patronage.

Writing is very demanding. It wants everything. I’ve done this on my own for years, my partner supplying me with the environment I needed to publish one book after the other. It took me over a decade simply to hone my skills and figure out what I was meant to write, and the latter occurred after many momentous and sometimes shattering personal transitions. It’s frequently been an immense struggle, and I often wondered how long I could keep it up; I often wanted to just quit.

Van Gogh needed his brother’s support to paint, and the day it abruptly stopped, the artist committed suicide. I can understand why. His life, already difficult, was unbearable without his art, and he just couldn’t function in the regular world. Of course he couldn’t.

When J.K. Rowling wrote Philosopher’s Stone, she was a single mother on welfare. While she was writing the book, housework and other tasks were basically ignored. Writing is time consuming. You can work on something for days, only to wad it up and throw it in the waste paper basket.

There seems to be this notion that it’s fine for creative people to produce endlessly, and also drive themselves into the ground trying to make ends meet, and get grinding, mundane tasks done, and so on and so on and so on. A kind of creative martyrdom. Art is better when you suffer. This is false. It’s twisted and grotesque (and not in a good way). The older you get, the worse this all is.

Little wonder creative people relied on patronage for centuries. Mozart couldn’t get it, and he piled on the debts and worked himself to death at the age of thirty five. He enjoyed a great deal of success, but it was always precarious at best, and he had his own issues getting in the way. Inevitably, he found himself up a creek without a paddle, if you’ll pardon the cliché.

I’ve been told countless times, “Keep writing,” “What you write is amazing,” “I love your work,” “Your book helped me so much,” “Your writing inspired me to love myself,” etc etc. I’ve been in a position to do this because I devoted pretty much all of my time to writing. I’ve stretched myself thin over the years, however. I’m now at the point where I won’t stretch myself any thinner.

Of course, I no longer subscribe to the “suffering is good for you” mentality. This is why I’m now writing a book like Masterful; why I wrote a book like Rascal.

PTSD is a condition I’ve lived with since I was very young, though for most of my life, I was unaware of it. I could never last long in stressful environments (this was a depressing mystery to me for years). There was only so much I could juggle. My creativity was severely hampered, barely there, whenever I tried to be in the regular world, which I could never really manage. Once I had a mostly tranquil set of circumstances, that’s when I began to write and publish like never before, especially since new technologies made it possible. And these days, I’m intensely aware that I need to space out things like appointments of any kind, for instance.

This is why I can no longer do the “one major convention a year” thing. When I went to MISTI in 2015, I was in bed half the time.

When I give my lecture at Arcanum, I will absolutely require a microphone, because the past couple of years have been particularly intense, and my voice is damaged as a result. This is directly linked to PTSD. I doubt I’ll ever get my voice back.

There have been times when I thought, I don’t want to publish books anymore. I was exhausted, crushed. I’d think, fuck it, I might as well write piles of journals for myself and at least be happy. Putting books out there, putting yourself out there, is also demanding. It can be depleting, even degrading. You withstand blow after blow. You’ve poured your life into your work.

And then, I started this Patreon. It gave me strength. It convinced me that those who said they wanted my writing weren’t just fucking around with me. It convinced me to keep going. My joy and resolve returned to me, they welled up from me again. I was receiving tangible encouragement. You were telling me, “Your work is a benefit to us, and we want more of your writing.”

It’s no surprise to me at all that I’m about to publish a book like Masterful. With my members in my corner, I felt power coursing through me. Many aspects of my life had also never been better. I’d conquered terrible things.

You stand alone when you write. I’m solitary by nature, but this doesn’t mean I haven’t known isolation, and this can be painful. Those who read and enjoy my work, and thrive because of what they read, are my tribe.

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Once I’m past my first goal, it’ll be helpful like you can’t imagine. Past my second goal, the sky’s the limit. I’ll write my best work so far. Past the third goal, I will celebrate life with my members in the most exquisite and joyful way possible.

I just wanted to share these thoughts with you, and to thank you for enjoying my work.

Let’s raise some hell together.

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As a fellow artist told me, “Having people willing to pay for talent is inspiring and encouraging. I know we spoke about this before but as creators we have given a lot to people that don’t appreciate what has been offered. If it is free they take it for granted. I’m so thankful you have your merry band of serpents and you’ve inspired me.”

I know, now, what I want to focus on, and this is what will be getting my attention and the fruits of my work, of my personal experience, of my dedication. A book is the outcome of hundreds of hours of work. A book is the outcome of a lifetime of growth. So is all manner of writing.


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I also recently shared a series of important tweets:

Upcoming topics on my members only platform: why I became a Satanist, and why I love Satanism. I’ll be writing about a variety of subjects, not Satanism per say, but this philosophy will underlie all that I write. For instance, how I live and deal with, and overcome, PTSD.

I write about why I collect toys, why I love the 70s; Total Environment principles are at work here. The temple to the self and its power, an increased power to live deliciously. I write about “practical selfishness” and its numerous benefits, such as health and happiness.

Self-respect is a topic I touch upon over and over. When you spent years exposed to domestic violence, a subconscious, malignant growth can be lodged in you: the “give them one more chance” syndrome. It was sound Satanic philosophy that made me aware of this problem, & its cure.

This brings another principle to the fore: deep personal awareness, which enables an individual to make the best possible choices and bring about whatever changes are required to improve one’s existence.

If what I write adds joy to people’s lives, this gives me pleasure and adds joy to my life. I do, however, write for those who have ears to hear. I know what it’s like to be isolated (which isn’t the same as sweet solitude), and shining a Luciferian light pleases and empowers me.

In the past, I made myself nothing as a survival strategy. Indeed, sometimes this is wise; blend into the background to elude those who would harm you. The time comes when a survival strategy is no longer the adequate response. It has become a reaction to a danger that’s gone.

So now, I write to completely uproot this toxic weed, and to foster the growth of the sturdy and beautiful flowers of self-reverence. I have my own garden, where I am my own god, having listened to the inner voice of true wisdom: “Eat of the fruit, and your eyes shall be opened.”

If others read my words & are encouraged to cultivate their own gardens in my vicinity, there’s more beauty in my world. How could I not derive immense pleasure from this? My joy is doubled. I write about the measures necessary to drive away pests & disease, to protect one’s joy.

I write to celebrate what I’ve accomplished, and to avenge myself on that which conspired to rob me of my self. With the assured, calm, and productive pride of the Infernal One, I say, “Get thee behind me, false god who comes like a miserable thief in the night. I cast thee out.”

Regarding Satanism: I became a member of the Church of Satan almost two years ago. A year ago, I applied for Active Membership, and my application was accepted. I received the official certificate and my first degree membership (not pictured) card last week.

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This represents many excellent and personally gratifying things to me. One of the things you could call it is my official, spectacular, and glorious divorce from Judeo-Christianity.

My Patreon, my business platform, my Society of Cunning Serpents, will now feature “a day in the life” posts, in which I’ll share “daily life” matters, and “The Prince of Serpents and his wisdom” short essays/monographs. The former will often be public, the latter, for the most part, Members Only.

Masterful will be released in October.

More news soon.

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