What dost thou want?

never had anyone to share anything with, an never wanted no one either, even if i’ve always been searching for sum thing i’ll never find i can at least say i never needed nuthin from no one. regardless of anything i’m right where i want to be, just sum skinny kid drifting throo life like a paper cup blowin down the street in the wind, sum dark abstract shape all alone in the world w/at least a real comprehension of the vast scale of distance between me an the rest of the human race.

you can resign yourself to lonliness but in the end find sanctuary in it. it’s like the infinite dark space between galaxies.

~ Drug Story, U.V. Ray

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Severus Snape has always been problematic.

He’s always been ambiguous and other.

He’s always been troublesome to his creator, J.K. Rowling, who’s never liked him much. Yet without him the wizarding world, and the entire world, would in all probability have been destroyed.

Awkward.

After the final Potter novel was released, a child referred to Professor Snape as a hero, and the tale’s author disagreed, leaving everyone present at the reading rather befuddled. Rowling soon changed her tune, however, and announced that Severus Snape was a “flawed hero.”

Of course he’s a flawed hero: he’s outside the lines. The Half-Blood.

When he first encounters Harry Potter’s mother Lily, this is how Rowling introduces us to him:

His hair was overlong and his clothes were so mismatched that it looked deliberate: too-short jeans, a shabby, overlarge coat that might have belonged to a grown man, an odd smock-like shirt.

And how does he observe Lily, Rowling’s apex of  True Womanhood, the pure one who like a quasi-virginal, unblemished lamb gave her life for her only male child, a.k.a. The Chosen One? “Greedily.” Severus Snape, “Snivellus,” wants something that wasn’t his.

He’s wearing an “odd” smock-like garment: “a loose dress or blouse,” from “Old English smoc ‘woman’s loose-fitting undergarment’.”

As Lily’s sister Petunia told him, “What’s that you’re wearing, anyway? Your mum’s blouse?”

With his “mismatched” clothing, his “overlong” hair, his odd “woman’s undergarment” half-concealed beneath a grown man’s coat, he’s the epitome of what doesn’t fit neatly into a nice, normal box.

He never does fit into that box, ever.

He’s nasty, untrustworthy, from the start. He’s non-binary. He’s not the “real deal.” He’s never quite what he seems to be, is he.

He’s a freak. “It’s good you’re being separated from normal people. It’s for our safety.”

And then we meet the heroes of the tale, James Potter and his cohorts.

“Slytherin?”
One of the boys sharing the compartment, who had shown no interest at all in Lily or Snape until that point, looked round at the word […]
“Who wants to be in Slytherin? I’d think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?” James asked the boy lounging on the seats opposite him, and with a jolt, Harry realized it was Sirius. Sirius did not smile.
“My whole family have been in Slytherin,” he said.
“Blimey,” said James, “and I thought you seemed all right!”
Sirius grinned.
“Maybe I’ll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?”
James lifted an invisible sword.
“ ‘Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!’ Like my dad.”
Snape made a small, disparaging noise.
James turned on him.
“Got a problem with that?”

Sure, fuckhead. The same problem you had with Slytherin.

Maybe it’s fine to be a Slytherin, an outsider, a weirdo, an oddity, an anomaly, a deviation, just as long as you shut the fuck up about it. As long as you’re out of sight.

It’s fine not to fit in the “correct” mold, just as long as you don’t dare to be where you’re not supposed to be.

Wasn’t it the sage Ron Weasley who taught us all that poisonous toadstools don’t change their spots?

What was it that the Moody stand-in told Severus Snape in Goblet of Fire? “I say there are spots that don’t come off, Snape. Spots that never come off, d’you know what I mean?”

Again, you’re classified as “X” or “Y” by fearful and limited minds from the beginning, and nothing can change that.

Could it be that Slytherin is so loathsome to such minds because the serpent, the mysterious creature that sheds its skin, is a symbol of transformation? A symbol of power and chaos?

The balanced nature of Professor Severus Snape the horned Baphomet, who points in two different directions, is forever suspicious to proper ones endowed with the clear-cut, iron gleam of “moral courage.”

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Do I feel shut out of the imaginary Hogwarts because of JKR’s opinion about this or that?

Not in the least. Without the reader, Hogwarts and all its mythological elements are stillborn.

Most of all, I am the master of my life, and I shape it as I wish: the subtle science and exact art of potion-making. The bold, creative, daring alchemists who understand “the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron and its shimmering hues” do as well.

We are the forbidden.

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We plant our fields with two different kinds of seed, we wear garments woven of two different kinds of material.

I enjoy that which I enjoy, however I wish. I transform what interests me into the gold of personal relevance. I create myself. I transform myself. I am loyal to myself.

Look at me.

I live deliciously. My long robes billow around me like a pretty dress, and my existence is magic.

I see the world.

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saucy and snazzy

Welcome to the fondue party, fellow mavericks.

So I’ve had a lot going on.

Dealt with an ear problem (after weeks of misery, I made an appointment to see my doctor). The combination of narrow, twisted ear canals and eczema is no joke. But the situation is much better now.

I did celebrate my 49th birthday splendidly, though. And took self-portraits to mark the occasion. I wore the disco dress.

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Genderqueer, baby.

I’ve been very busy with my Patreon. Membership is steadily growing, which makes me intensely happy. Patreon has contributed to my life like nothing else since I began writing and independently publishing my work. I’m profoundly grateful to my Patreon members who make me feel like a million bucks and fill my creative tank to overflowing.

I’m creating zines and drawing again (messy drawings, which is new for me, but it feels good); if you’d like access to my zines, exclusive blog posts, and special editions of my books, become a member.

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(detail of the photograph included in issue #1 of my zine, Stay Home Vagabond, in which I magnify and revel in my humanity)

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I was also interviewed by the fabulous and lovely Lauren Hippenstiel; the interview is available on her blog, iamasatanistand.com. You can read it here, and while you’re at it, take a look at her fantastic review of Rascal: A Manifesto (buy your copy today and review it on amazon.com).

Right now, I’m working on Wolfgang Booklet Two, and Masterful: Severus Snape, a Jar of Cockroaches, and Me. I’ll be doing a photo session for the author portrait that’ll go on the back cover of the latter very soon. Watch out! It’s going to sizzle.

Masterful is a phenomenally cathartic book. Writing it is so satisfying.

Here’s a “speak your mind” tea cup and saucer crafted by Miss Havisham’s Curiosities that captures the spirit of said book:

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No, I don’t put up with crap anymore. It’s healthy; I recommend it.

A couple of months ago or so, I had fun taking more Mozart portraits. I got a red velvet coat and snapped away (at some point in the coming months, I’ll be doing this with the red 18h century style Mozart costume).

Note: my Wolfgang story is going to be so wild. And semi-autobiographical in a totally fantastic sense.

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Mozart upon waking, velvet coat in strategic disarray. I’m cheeky these days. I’m sure Wolfgang would appreciate. Leck mich im Arsch, rawr.

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Let me tell you, life is good right now. I’m so much happier than I’ve ever been. And I’m taking excellent care of myself.

I’m really enjoying my violin classes, by the way. I’m currently learning (or should I say re-learning) Bach’s Minuet No. 2.

More photos soon! Green polyester shirt, opened Snape coat, a mass of silver bling.

Say cheese.

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portraits and reviews

Kind readers,

the other day, I took some new author photos… Including ink photos.

My name is Logospilgrim, and I write books 😉 Also, I love ties and tattoos.

“Personne n’a de comptes à me rendre,

et je n’ai de comptes à rendre à personne.”

~ Capitaine Albator

Allow me to share some recent reviews of There’s a Hula Girl on my Dashboard:

I’m extremely grateful for all the kind words people have shared about the book. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, everyone! I couldn’t do it without you.

Today, Sean McGuire, a.k.a. @GodlessPoutine, posted a wonderful review of Hula Girl on his blog, My Secret Atheist Blog. I couldn’t help but gasp when I saw the link on my Twitter feed this morning.

To read the review, please go here: http://www.mysecretatheistblog.com/2015/06/theres-hula-girl-on-my-dashboard-how-i.html

Thank you so much, Sean, for your kindness and support. It means more than I can say.

Many more interesting and exciting things to come this summer! So much so I think I need to rest right now 😉

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

celebrations

Kind readers,

MISTI-Con 2015 is getting very close… Only twenty-three days left until I head for New Hampshire.

The support I’ve received for my most recent book, There’s a Hula Girl on my Dashboard, has been going straight to my heart.

Here’s a sample:

I put so much of myself in this book… It means a lot to know that people have been enjoying it, or been encouraged or inspired by it in one way or other.

I’ll be signing copies of it in the Big Tent on Saturday, May 23th, during MISTI. I’ll also be bringing copies of The Severus Snape Paradism, and of Outlaw in the Land of Perfection.

Speaking of the latter, I will be cosplaying Reverend Silverheart for the Costume Showcase, which will take place late Friday afternoon during MISTI. Lovely fellow author C.A. Allen will be cosplaying Heaven with me… So get ready! We’re going to embody Silverheart and Heaven.

Appropriately enough, I saw this on Ello yesterday:

I am androgynous, genderfluid, non-binary, genderqueer. I am a bi-romantic asexual. I’ll be celebrating all of this when I cosplay Silverheart.

It looks like spring will be starting in earnest, at last, this week. This is extremely encouraging. I was beginning to think I’d never be warm again.

Apart from this blog, you can find me on Twitter, Ello, and Livejournal (what’s left of it, that is). I tried Tumblr again, but I simply don’t understand that platform. I love and need to interact with loved ones; on Tumblr, this is next to impossible. It makes me sad… So what’s the point?

Actually, I’ll probably become more active here on this blog.

I’m really looking forward to seeing many dear friends again at MISTI. I’ve missed them greatly.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor